As the days passed, Adrien became more and more sure of what to do. He could not bear his own feelings anymore - and, most of all, he could not bear that he would never be able to express them. If he summoned Val, if he gave himself to him, he would at least be able to do so once - he would not tell him that he loved him, but he would at least be able to hold him, and to be held - he would just be one of his summoners, and he would give Val the care that his summoners rarely did, and then they could continue being friends - and spend their last few months together. Then it would be just as with Giulio: he would bring with himself one dear memory - not a fantasy, a memory. This was not what he truly wanted - this was only a compromise to end his pain; but if this had to be it, if this was the only thing he could do, then he would do it; if this was going to be the only way in which he would ever know his love, then he would do it. Afterwards, he would no longer dream of this love - he would accept that he had all he could; he would have to suffer, certainly, he would have to grieve - but he would do so while remembering all they'd shared, not while wondering what it would have been like. He hated things left hanging, he hated loose threads - and he wanted this to be the knot to his pain. He craved the release from this love that was consuming him. More than the act itself, Adrien wished for everything to be over, at long last.